Noi is the winter of our in-content and the way it might look at you!

Screw the company you keep or actions you take. Similarly screw your word, your intentions and your deeds. Verily I sayeth unto thee: by your Brands shalt ye be known. Yes, the car you drive, the beer you drink, the clothes you wear, the brand of aftershave/perfume you wear are more telling than any other single thing about you (ok, we’re excluding over-production of sweat and voluminous body hair).

We have become a first impressions society – and those impressions count for 99% of how you’re perceived 100% of the time. Desmond Morris prattled on about it in the Eighties but now it is a reality.

Completely aside: wouldn’t it be great to remake 1984 and at the end, as Winston Smith is being led into Room 101 by Cyril Cusack to be reprogrammed/killed, Davina McCaul pops up to interview him and show him his best bits? ‘And here you are with the supposedly virginal Julia – what the Nation wants to know: did you shag her?’

Back to the point/pint: So wtf would anybody order a Harp?

Yes, Harp shares that special place in Irish Advertising. You know the one: ‘Northern’. It slots in there with Buttercrane centres and pit bull neutering, weather forecasts with a republican-challenged map of Ulster and the ever-effervescent Julian what’shisname. But please! I’m an insular knob, devoid of personality, taste or ambition – “I’ll have a Harp, please!”

High camp went out when the cops started going undercover at music festivals.

Next they’ll have a bunch of guys in pee yellow wetsuits swimming around in the stuff in time to some thumpy-thump piece of music.
Whatever about letting the client write the ads, letting the consumer ..?!